My battle with MY EGO.
I have two forces constantly at play within me. My Sacred Self and my Ego …. and if I were honest with myself, most of the time my Ego is winning. (but my Ego would never want me to admit that)
My Ego has been showing up to sabotage me a lot lately. I say lately, but really I should say, my whole life. It sabotages my work, my relationships, my connection to God and my self-esteem. For me it shows up in a lot of ways… it is a big ego.
My Ego makes me concerned about how I look to others. What do others think of my photos, how I look, or what I am saying… It makes me want to put on a mask, hide my weaknesses and show up in a way that other people will like. It wants to CONFORM. It shuts me down so I don’t always say what I feel like I should say for fear of offending, and I sometimes say what I don’t mean with a desire to gain approval.
My Ego is always hungry for validation, like a needy puppy always wanting to be petted. It is like a bucket with a hole that can never be filled. It is always needing to be complimented, to be told I am loved and that I matter. It is that part of me that is concerned about how many likes I get on Facebook or how many people comment and what they say.
My Ego is afraid of criticism and unwilling to hear feedback. It is afraid of hearing someone say they don’t like me, afraid of negative comments, and refuses to listen when someone tries to correct me.
My Ego has this huge need to be right. It doesn’t want to hear that someone doesn’t agree with me, and is willing to defend what I think without really being open to another possibility.
My Ego is constantly comparing myself to others. Feeling small when I see those who are stronger, more handsome, wealthier, smarter, more popular… and then looking for what’s wrong in others so I can judge them to make me feel bigger or somehow more important.
My Ego is selfish and self-centered. It is mostly concerned with how things affect me, and seeks for short term gratification. Even when I do nice things, my ego wants to do it for recognition or to be able to validate myself.
My Ego has me hide from God. It keeps me busy and distracted, Constantly seeking noise and entertainment that keeps my mind cluttered in chaos. It is afraid of letting God direct my life.
My ego is the source of all my fears and all my failures….
… Every day my Ego shows up, and the more I try to shame it, or hate it, the more power it has over my life. You see, shame and hate are simply more functions of my ego, even when they are turned against me.
At the same time my Ego is at play in my life, there is another part of who I am, My SACRED SELF… divine, powerful, humble, kind, selfless, unlimited, fearless, wise, compassionate and strong. My sacred self, at the core, is pure, Unconditional Love. Without judgment for others, and without fear of judgment from others. My sacred self is so deeply rooted in love, that he even has this deep love and appreciation for my Ego, regardless of how much he has sabotaged me in my life.
My Sacred Self is the part of me that emerges when I am open to God in my life and humble enough to be a conduit for him in my work and my relationships.
All of my limits as a man exist in the lies that my Ego feeds me. All of my power as a Son of GOD exist in the TRUTH of who I really am as my Sacred Self.
I have found that my life is a constant journey of AWAKENING to my Sacred TRUTH, and then drifting back into a slumber of my mortal Ego. Over and Over again, this cycle runs in my life.
I had some deeply profound experiences over the last week that awoke me again. They helped me to see how I was hiding in my life, and how my Ego had been running me and keeping me playing small in areas of my life. It felt as though God was reaching down to shake my soul enough to wake me up and to remind me that I am more than I have been demonstrating, and that it’s time for me to step up…
Now my daily battle is to be conscious enough to know when my Ego is winning and taking control, and to REALIGN all over again with my Sacred Self. All of my passion, power and purpose exist when I emerge from the shadow of my ego and stand in the LIGHT of my truth.
This battle requires intense humility and awareness of my weakness, a willingness to keep my heart and mind open, a constant effort to connect with God, an active attempt to listen to and to speak affirmations into my life, and a desire to stretch beyond the comfort zone my Ego tries to hold me hostage in.
The closer I am to God the easier it is to see and to be my Sacred Self.
This is what I am learning in my journey right now. I hope that in some ways, my sharing it, reminds you of the DIVINE, POWERFUL, WISE, AND BEAUTIFUL Sacred Truth of who YOU ARE.
The light in me honors the light in you.
Let’s choose today to be a little kinder, a little more friendly, a little more forgiving. Let us show more love, To others and to ourselves.
Let us choose today to Live BIG.